[There's a contradiction in the title; post a comment when you see it.]
In Brazilian Jiu Jitsu the objective is to strangle your opponent to the point of unconsciousness or to use leverage to apply enough pressure to a joint that if your opponent does not surrender, his arm, leg, ankle, or neck will break.
Although BJJ is fundamentally a violent sport, guys who stick with it are some of the most laid back, chill guys around. You don’t find many bullies at the gym because training martial arts kills your ego.
The first thing new students are told is to “check your ego at the door.” Although the ego ostensibly exists to protect you from the cruel world, the ego itself is fragile. It is an egg-shell thin helmet.
Tell a guy he is fat, ugly, or a loser. He’ll seethe and rage. He’ll be furious at the indignity. How dare he talk to me like that?!
Most men live in a fantasy world. We are all stars. Any guy who doesn’t offer to suck my dick is a hater.
I’ve never met a guy who, despite having never been in a fight, isn’t quite sure that he could handle himself. I’ve never met a man who wasn’t certain that the Hooters waitress wasn’t totally into him and that he could totally get with her if he wanted to.
Although some of us are excellent in some areas, for the most part we’re entirely ordinary. We live, shit, piss, cum, and die. Our egos lie to us.
Guys who can’t leave their egos at the entrance to the BJJ studio don’t last long. They can’t deal with the psychological blow of learning that, “I’m not special.”
After class, there’s usually an open mat or sparring. During a five-round sparring session, a new guy will be submitted 20-30 times.
Thirty times you are told, “I could break your arm. I could crank your knee, leaving you a cripple.”
Thirty times you are told, “If I didn’t let go of your neck, you would be unconscious. I could pin you down and fuck your ass. How you like me now?”
Being put into a situation where you are powerless isn’t something most men – especially “alpha males” – can do. Most guys wash out.
The guys who stick with training learn several valuable lessons. It’s only a game. You learn from each loss. Each loss makes you better. Most guys are home watching TV. Showing up is an accomplishment. Even the worst guy at the BJJ gym could defend himself against 80% of American men. What happens in training doesn’t matter. It’s only a game.
Now how does your ego harm your game?
I’ve had girls laugh in my face, throw drinks on me, tell me, “You need to take a shower,” call me the creepy old guy for showing up on college night. And that’s only the stuff that wasn’t so damaging that it hasn’t been repressed deep into my unconscious.
Going out on a Friday night isn’t a life-or-death situation. Some girls will hate me and try ruining my night. Some girls will love me. Sometimes nothing will happen and the night will be a total dud.
Before you go out, leave your ego at your apartment.
It doesn’t matter.
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